There are some on screen roles that Duchovy has played over the years that had me laughing pretty hard. One of my earlier memories of him breaking away from the X- Files was when he played Ira in Evolution, a whacky, fun filled film about a meteorite that falls to Earth and results in aliens trying to take over the planet. Haven’t seen it? Get on that, it’s a great movie. He then showed up in Zoolander with that amazing hand of his and this brings me onto the opening scene to Californication – there’s a nun involved and it’s all very inappropriate and again, side splittingly funny. Now he’s back on screen playing Fox Mulder and I was caught completely by surprise by episode three in the new series of the X-Files which again, had me laughing my ass off because I really wasn’t expecting it.
Yep, Duchovny is a funny guy, so when I spotted a book by him titled ‘Holy Cow’ on the book shelf one day, I knew at some point I’d be buying it, giving it a read and wouldn’t be disappointed. And I wasn’t.
What if a cow wanted to get to India? That’s pretty much how the story started to come about in his head. Originally he thought it would be an animated movie but when that didn’t happen and some studios turned it down, he revisited the idea a few years later and wrote it as a book instead. I’m glad he did cause it’s really good fun and very enjoyable.
Elsie is our narrator for the story and, all things considered, she seems happy out with her life on the farm. Some of the farmer’s sons are gentler than others when it comes to milking and her mother has disappeared but that’s just how things go on the farm as she has been taught since a young age.
One night, Elsie and Mallory, her best friend, escape the confines of where they are kept at night and while Mallory has only the bulls on her mind and goes to get chatted up by them and do a bit of flirting herself, Elsie goes to the farmhouse, looking in the window at the TV that the farming family are all staring at. She calls the TV the ‘Box God’ and what it shows her shakes her world to the core, as she sees what really happens to cows that “disappear.”
Elsie needs a new plan and that is to escape and do so quickly. As her plans come together, she finds she has taken on some companions for the road and Jerry, a grumpy little pig that changes his name to Shalom because he’s converting to Judasim carries around the Torah while Tom, a sharp witted turkey becomes useful because he’s the only one of them that can use the iPhone they stole. He uses his beak to navigate the phones functions ya see.
They get off the farm and the adventure begins but where are they to go? Well, they figure out three destinations, Elsie needs to get to India, where cows are sacred, not slaughtered and eaten. Jerry, sorry, Shalom needs to get to Jerusalem because they don’t eat pork there and Tom, well, he just likes the sound of Turkey for obvious reasons.
I loved this book. It’s funny, sharp, witty, fast paced and very clever. Elsie’s character and language is that of a teenage girl in modern day but you never forget that she is a cow talking and acting this way which just adds to the fun and humour of the her character. Her two companions along the trip are hilarious.
If you’ve just finished watching the current series of the X-files and are now feeling a David Duchovny void in your life, fancy a laugh and are wondering how Elsie and her crew get on with their adventure, then get your hands on a copy of Holy Cow, cause it is well worth a read. I mean come on, why wouldn’t you want to read about a Turkey who uses an IPhone with his beak to book flight tickets for himself, a cow and a pig and eventually steals a plane and flies it himself? If I were to tell anymore, I’d run the risk of giving too much away, so, go fort and read it!
The Recommended 